Skylar Wolfe Mysteries: Snark Bundle Read online

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  Cover Design by

  Mariana Thorn

  Edited by

  Elizabeth A. Lance

  Copyright© 2014, 2015

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  Published by

  Mariana Thorn Books

  Slice & Dice

  Hide & Seek

  Wiggle & Jiggle

  Snag & Bag

  This is for Shannon whose encouragement and friendship helped make this happen.

  I ducked behind the Jeep as another round of bullets flew by. My cousin, Levi, was already on the ground, curled into a fetal position.

  “Oh, God, my Jeep! He’s going to shoot my damn Jeep!” Levi refused to look up. He kept his face tucked into his knees, his arms over his head, and his body shook violently.

  How melodramatic, I thought, rolling my eyes.

  Once the gunfire ceased, I slowly scooted around to the front of the SUV, peering around the bumper. "Come on out, Billy. This will go a lot easier for you if you go peacefully. I'll even put in a good word for you."

  It had been exactly one year since Levi and I had taken over our uncle's private detective agency. To make ends meet, I sometimes did a little bounty hunting on the side. Usually, those I took in were peaceful types. Billy was different. His sheet didn't say anything about shooting. Who would give this guy a gun anyway? He couldn’t hit the side of a barn, let alone the Jeep.

  "Skylar, we need to get out of here," Levi cried.

  "Not without him. I need to pay the cable bill so I can watch Big Bang Theory tonight," I snapped back at Levi. "Billy, come on, be reasonable.” I turned my attention back to the asshat with the gun, trying to keep my voice calm, controlled. “Just get in the Jeep. We’ll take a little ride down to the station. I’ll get you a new court date and you’ll never have to see or hear from me again."

  "There’s no way in hell I’m going back to jail, bitch," he yelled back from the shabby shack.

  "Hey, now that wasn't nice!” I narrowed my eyes at the house across the street. “Take it back! Besides, how would you know if I were a bitch or not? It’s not like you’ve even met me," I shouted back, heat circulating in my cheeks.

  "Are you really arguing with a man that is shooting at us?" Levi whispered angrily as he glanced over at me.

  "He called me a bitch, Levi,” I hissed, still focusing on the house. “He doesn't know me."

  "Seriously, Skylar there is something wrong with you.” He shifted his body out of the fetal position and leaned up against the side of the Jeep.

  Suddenly, sirens wailed in the distance. They seemed to be getting closer and closer.

  "Shit!" I shook my head. Someone must have called in the shooting. "Billy, you hear that?" I said, knowing damn well he did. "The cops are almost here. I guarantee they will shoot back. If you come with me now, you won't get shot."

  "I'd rather die," he yelled. Then he began shooting his gun again, sand and dust flying up in the air from the impact of the bullets.

  "Damn it! Levi, keep him talking.” I slipped around the front of the Jeep, keeping as low as I could. “I will not give the cops this bounty," I said, determined to get the cable bill paid.

  "No, Skylar," Levi whispered, but he was too late. I was already moving.

  We were at the end of a dead-end street, near the water. I inhaled the swampy scent of the canal behind the house Billy was holed up in. I ran across the street, crouching down, as Levi began yelling at Billy. Even though Levi was terrified, he kept his voice controlled. At least he could be useful when he was scared shitless.

  Once I managed to make it around the house, I had to stop and catch my breath. I bent over, placing my hands on my knees, and dragged in a deep breath. It was damn hot and humid today. This was way more work than I usually liked to do to earn money, but I was determined to watch my shows tonight.

  I slowly stood up and gazed at the back entrance. It was rusty and old. I need a tetanus shot just to touch this thing, I thought, approaching the ancient door. Within seconds, I had the door picked and opened, but the sirens were getting louder and louder. I didn’t have much time. Billy had to be in cuffs before the cops showed up or I wouldn’t get paid.

  The stench was horrid, like a strong ammonia smell mixed with week’s old garbage. It made me want to hurl. Holding my breath, I made my way through the house, making a mental note to burn my clothes when I got home.

  I continued through the kitchen, ignoring the pile of dirty dishes on the counter and the trash covering the floor. I peered around the doorway into the living room. There he was, standing by the window, gun in hand. He was a greasy, unwashed, smelly mess. Something that you’d find in a swamp. I would know; I guided tours for three weeks in the Everglades.

  I made my way through the living room, nearly holding my breath until I was standing right behind him. The slimy man had no idea. I lunged at him, taking him by complete surprise and wrestled him to the ground.

  Tires screeched to a halt outside, but the police sirens continued to wail as I managed to get the cuffs around one of his wrists. He jerked backward, almost rolling me off him, but I locked my legs and planted my boots to the floor, refusing to let him overpower me.

  I used my power words, cursing at him like the scumbag he was. My uncle always said they weren’t fit for polite society. I never once doubted him. It was a good thing this guy wasn’t polite or society.

  The police barged into the front door just as I snapped the cuffs on his other wrist. "Got him.” I leaned back, smiling. “Would you be dears and throw him in the Jeep for me?"

  "One of these days, Skylar, we will find you shot full of holes," a familiar voice rang out from above me.

  I gazed up and smirked. It was one of my favorite officers. "Hey, Cory, are you still coming over for the moviethon this weekend?"

  "Yes.” He grinned, and then offered me his hand. “Now, come on and get up. We’ll help you." I grabbed his hand, and he hoisted me to my feet.

  I always felt so tiny when Cory was around. At six foot four, he towered over me by almost a foot. He was a sweet guy, not my type, but someone that was fun.

  Cory and his partner, Don, helped me get Billy into the Jeep. Levi was there, leaning against the passenger door, shaking like a leaf.

  "Thanks, guys.” I opened the driver’s side door and jumped in. “See you both on Saturday,” I said, hanging my head out the window. “Bring some snacks,” I added as I shoved the keys in the ignition and started the Jeep.

  I rolled up the window as I shifted into drive and then blasted the air conditioning. Summers in Florida could be brutal. My shirt was wet with sweat.

  "I think I need a new job," Levi grumbled next to me.

  "Come on, that was fun." I smiled, focusing on the road in front of me. "You need to stop being a stick in the mud."

  Levi sat silently beside me, arms crossed and face turned to the window. He stayed that way until we reached the police station parking lot.

  I swung into an empty parking space between two police cruisers and slammed on the brakes, skidding to a stop. Levi finally turned away from the window to glare at me.

  I opened my door and hopped out of the Jeep. I walked around the back of
the SUV, meeting Levi on the other side. Pulling open the back door, I dragged Billy out and walked him toward the back door of the station.

  I held onto his arm tightly as Levi pressed the buzzer next to the door.

  The door opened and Peggy’s plump face appeared. "Oh, you brought another one for us, Skylar, dear,” she said, fluffing up her red hair with her hand. “I hope he wasn't too much trouble." She opened the door wider so I could push Billy through.

  Peggy was a clerk at Norcrest Police Station. She worked at the station for as long as I could remember. When we were kids, she used to give me and Levi candy when we stopped by here with our uncle. Peggy was one of my favorites.

  "Nope, no trouble at all." I grinned, slamming Billy in the chair across from her desk.

  Levi grunted as he handed over the paperwork to her.

  I tapped my foot impatiently as she filled out the papers, wishing I were already in my flip-flops. I saved my boots for my dirty work, and wrestling fugitives to the ground was definitely considered dirty. Other than that, I basically, only wore flip-flops on my feet.

  After what seemed like an eternity, Peggy finally handed me the completed paperwork. I tossed Billy a wave and headed out the door with Levi still sulking behind me.

  After we pulled out of the police station parking lot, I zipped over to the bondsman's office to pick up my check. Then, I headed to the bank.

  Waiting in line was boring, but I was happy to give the people around me something to stare at. They couldn’t seem to take their eyes off me. I guess the town had something against people with purple streaks through a head of blonde hair. I was glad to be the center of attention.

  As soon as I had the money situation taken care of, I called the cable company. Levi drove across town while I waited for the operator to pick up the phone. We arrived at The Den just as I finished up my conversation with the operator. Great, I thought, glancing at the clock on the radio. There would be more than enough time for me to call in Chinese takeout. Now, I just had to persuade Levi to go pick it up before my shows started.

  "Hey.” I gazed at him and smiled. “Would you mind calling in our usual order and picking it up? I want to take a shower and change before my shows come on." I batted my eyelashes a couple of times for added cuteness. Levi couldn’t resist the eyes.

  "Fine,” he muttered, opening the door to the Jeep and slipping out, "but I need something from inside first."

  I shook my head. Geez, I thought, someone needs a happy pill. I opened my door and slid out of the seat, stepping onto the asphalt in the driveway.

  I walked around the Jeep, heading for The Den, but then I suddenly stopped in my tracks, causing Levi to nearly run into me.

  There was a man laid out in front of our door, and he didn't look so good. In fact, he looked kind of dead.

  "What the hell, Skylar," Levi yelled. But then he glanced around me, and the next thing that escaped his lips was a little squeak.

  So he thought the man was dead too? I slowly walked over to the small tree growing outside our office. Bending down, I gathered a branch off the ground. Then, I approached the man again, poking him with the tip of the stick.

  He didn’t move.

  I leaned in closer, noticing the blackish-red liquid puddled on the step.

  Well, that is just odd, I thought. I was about to say something to Levi, but when I turned around, he was on the ground. He’d fainted. Again. I sighed, that meant I had to be the one to call it in.

  I took out my phone and dialed 9-1-1.

  "Dispatch, what seems to be your emergency," a woman answered.

  "There seems to be a dead guy on my office step,” I said. “I think you should send someone."

  "How do you know he is dead?" she asked.

  "Well, there’s blood. And, I poked him with a stick; he didn't move.” Seriously, what did she want me to say?

  "You did what, ma'am?" she asked, confusion consuming her voice.

  "I poked him with a stick,” I answered, refusing the urge to laugh. “I didn't want to get his nasty stench on me.” I rolled my eyes. “Not that it would really matter after rolling on the ground with Billy earlier."

  "What is your location," she asked, ignoring everything I just said.

  I rattled off the address. "Also, can you send an ambulance? My cousin fainted," I added.

  "Why did he faint?" the woman asked.

  "Because of the dead guy," I said, shaking my head, wondering if the lady was missing a few screws.

  "Officers have been dispatched, please stay on the line."

  "Why?" I directed my gaze at Levi, wondering how long it would take him to come around this time.

  "To keep you calm," she said.

  I thought about that for a moment, and then I responded, “I am calm.”

  "It's just my job, ma’am," she said, sarcasm beginning to roll around in her voice.

  "Right, well, I'm hanging up now," I warned her. I took the phone away from my ear and hit the end button. Some people were just so stupid.

  I glanced around the area for clues as to what happened. There wasn't enough blood for him to have been killed here. He seemed to have been carefully placed. There were dice on his eyes with the number three facing up. That was weird. It was still daylight. Who could have put a body here without anyone noticing? Our office wasn't that secluded. I pulled out a pair black rubber gloves from my pocket and inched closer to the body.

  The sirens wailing in the distance grew louder. They were getting closer.

  I hoped it was Cory again, but I doubted I'd get that lucky twice in one day. I stepped back from the body so I wouldn't get yelled at as the police cars came to a stop. Taking off the gloves, I shoved them into the front pocket of my jeans.

  I turned around and crouched down next to Levi. "Come on, buddy, wake up." I poked him in the cheek.

  "Miss, please step away from the body," a man said.

  I stood up and gazed at the officer. "That's not the body, that's just Levi. He fainted," I said, rolling my eyes. Couldn’t he tell a dead body from a guy that had passed out? "That's the body." I pointed to the man in front of the door.

  "Right,” the officer said, directing his gaze to the stiff. “Can you tell us what happened here?"

  "My cousin and I just came back, and we found that guy there just like he is now," I explained.

  The officer went and looked at the body. Then, he mumbled something into his radio.

  A few seconds later, an ambulance finally showed up. Two men in navy blue uniforms rushed over to me.

  “He fainted is all, but he might have hit his head,” I told them, pointing at Levi. “Since I wasn't looking at him when he fell, I don’t know."

  Levi began to stir as one of the men checked his wrist for a pulse. After he slowly sat up, and they finished examining him, they decided he was fine.

  I was glad because I really wanted to watch my shows…even though it wasn't looking like it was going to happen anytime soon. The police officers were already putting out the crime scene tape.

  An unmarked police car pulled into the parking lot. That must be the homicide unit, I thought.

  With an officer escorting him, Levi stumbled over to the Jeep. I decided to stay where I was since I knew there would be a lot of questions. My relaxing evening was quickly melting away.

  I perked up a little when a tall, dark, and scrumptious man got out of the unmarked car. He had to be just over six feet tall. The black suit he wore accented his lean body, highlighting all the right places.

  The man walked over and joined the other officers, adjusting his black sunglasses as he chatted with them. Then he strayed over to the Jeep, standing for a moment next to his partner as he talked to Levi. Finally, the man turned in my direction.

  Yes, I shouted the word inside my head. He was all mine now.

  I couldn’t help but to smirk as the man approached me. His presence alone brought thoughts of naughty things and hot nights.

  "I'm Lieutenant
Livingston, lead detective," he introduced himself. The authority in his voice almost brought me to my knees.

  "I'm private detective, Skylar Wolfe," I answered, struggling to gain my composure.

  "Miss Wolfe, can you tell me why you are at my crime scene?"

  "It's Skylar, and your crime scene happens to be my den," I said, motioning to the window that said Wolfe Investigations.

  "Den?" he asked, lifting his eyebrows.

  "Boring people would call it an office." I gave him a wolfish grin. "’Livingston’ as a name for a detective? I just don't see it."

  "What does my name have to do with anything?" he asked, clearly annoyed.

  "It's just funny." I shrugged. "What's your first name?"

  "Aiden," he said. Then, he shook his head like he couldn't believe he told me. "Miss Wolfe," he said.

  "Skylar," I interrupted him again.

  "Skylar, can you tell me what happened," he said, gritting his teeth.

  I was getting a kick out of irritating him. I wondered if his eyes flashed when he was annoyed. "Levi and I came back to The Den to find that." I motioned to the body with my hand.

  “Who’s Levi?” he asked, placing his hand in his pants pockets.

  “Don’t worry, he’s not my boyfriend.” I chuckled. “That would be gross since he’s my cousin, but,” I lifted my brows, “I’m single if that’s what you wanted to know.”

  “No.” He sighed. “That’s not what I was asking.”

  “It was what you were thinking.” I tightened my lips, trying to contain my laughter.

  "Is that all that happened,” he asked, ignoring my comment this time.

  "That's it.” I tapped my toe in impatience. “I called the police, Levi fainted, and I waited," I said, gazing into his dark glasses trying to guess what color his eyes were. I was guessing blue.

  "The dispatcher said something about a stick.” He took his hands out of his pockets and placed them on his hips.

  "She must have been mistaken.” I shook my head. “She was rather unhelpful."

  He sighed again and then made some weird smacking sound with his lips. I was sure he didn't know what to do with me. It was a normal reaction when someone like him met me. I liked it.